My loves...
This article kind of goes hand in hand with the one I just wrote about not having to earn love. Because if we’re honest... for a lot of us, especially us women, one of the biggest battles isn’t finding someone to love us.
It’s learning how to stop criticizing the person staring back at us in the mirror.
I’ll be honest with you.
This is still something I’m working through.
I’m not writing this because I’ve conquered it. I’m writing it because I’m walking through it too.
Growing up, I struggled with acne. Really struggled. I still have scars on my face from it, and for years I let those scars tell me a story about myself that wasn’t true. Every comment someone made when I was younger somehow stayed with me much longer than all the compliments ever did.
Funny how our minds do that.
And no... I’m not one of those girls who’s amazing at makeup. I wish I was sometimes. (LOL.) I can throw on a little eyeliner, maybe some mascara if I’m feeling fancy, but that’s about where my beauty guru career ends.
So yes... filters have definitely become my little friends every now and then. They make it easier to take a picture without immediately zooming in and finding everything “wrong.”
But the truth is...
I’m still learning to look at myself without needing one.
Maybe some of you are too.
How many of us step out of the shower, stand in front of the mirror, and immediately begin an inspection?
There’s the stretch marks.
There’s the scars.
There’s the arm that jiggles a little more than we’d like.
Maybe the tummy.
Maybe the wrinkles.
Maybe we’re wishing something was smaller.
Maybe we’re wishing something was bigger.
Trust me...
If I could magically order a bigger booty from the universe with overnight shipping, I probably would’ve done it years ago. (LOL.)
Instead, I work out the little bum bum I’ve got, and you know what?
It’s mine.
It carries me through life.
And maybe... that’s enough.
Because here’s what I’ve started realizing.
Every single person is picking themselves apart.
The woman you think is absolutely gorgeous?
She’s probably standing in front of her mirror criticizing something you never even noticed.
The man who looks incredibly confident?
He probably has insecurities he hopes nobody ever finds out about.
It’s almost as though we’ve all agreed to admire everyone else while quietly tearing ourselves apart.
What a strange way to live.
I’ve also learned something else through relationships.
Sometimes the biggest critic in the room isn’t the person you’re dating.
It’s you.
I’ve caught myself assuming someone couldn’t possibly find me attractive because I’d already convinced myself I wasn’t.
Meanwhile...
The other person wasn’t thinking about any of those things.
They weren’t measuring every scar.
They weren’t counting every stretch mark.
They weren’t comparing me to some impossible standard I had created inside my own head.
Most of that conversation was happening entirely between me and... me.
Ladies...
How many times have we talked ourselves out of believing someone could genuinely like us?
How many opportunities have we quietly walked away from because we decided for them that we weren’t enough?
And gentlemen...
You do this too.
Maybe not always in the same ways, but I’ve seen it.
Maybe you think you’re too short.
Too skinny.
Too heavy.
Not muscular enough.
Not successful enough.
Not handsome enough.
My loves...
Can I tell you a little secret?
The older I get, the less interested I become in perfection.
Yes, of course I can appreciate a handsome man. I’m human. (LOL.)
Tom Hardy?
Absolutely.
Henry Cavill?
Yep... I’m not blind, sweethearts. (LOL.)
But then again...
I’ve also found myself completely fascinated by people who look nothing like either of them.
I’ve never really had one “type.”
I’ve always been drawn toward someone’s mind.
Their kindness.
Their humor.
Their confidence.
Their depth.
The way they make me feel when I’m around them.
That’s the part that stays.
Bodies change.
We age.
We gain weight.
We lose weight.
Gravity eventually wins a few battles whether we like it or not.
Life happens.
And honestly?
I like feeding the people I love anyway. (LOL.)
So if my future man loses his six-pack because I keep making him dinner... I think we’ll survive.
Love has never lived inside a six-pack.
It’s lived inside how someone looks at you when you’ve had the worst day of your life.
It’s lived inside the conversations that last until two in the morning.
It’s lived inside laughter that makes your stomach hurt.
It’s lived inside someone reaching for your hand without even thinking about it.
Those are the things that remain beautiful long after youth fades.
So ladies...
If a handsome man smiles at you...
Please don’t reject yourself before he even has the chance to know you.
Don’t decide you’re not pretty enough.
Don’t convince yourself that your scars make you unlovable.
Don’t assume your stretch marks erased your worth.
They didn’t.
And gentlemen...
If a beautiful woman starts talking to you...
Don’t immediately tell yourself she’s “out of your league.”
Please don’t do that to yourself.
Also...
Just because someone is beautiful doesn’t mean they’re shallow.
It doesn’t mean they don’t want real love.
It doesn’t mean they’re looking for perfection either.
Sometimes they’re just as nervous as you are.
Sometimes they’re wondering if they’ll be accepted too.
Maybe...
We’re all a lot more alike than we realize.
At the end of the day, my loves, there really is someone for everyone.
Not because the universe pairs perfect people together.
But because the universe has a beautiful way of introducing hearts that recognize one another beyond appearances.
So give yourself a chance.
Don’t reject yourself before life has even had the opportunity to surprise you.
Don’t spend so much time trying to become worthy that you miss someone who already believes you are.
The scars.
The stretch marks.
The little belly.
The laugh lines.
The things you criticize every day...
Someone else may one day look at every one of those things and simply think...
“There you are.”
And maybe, just maybe...
The first person who deserves to see that beauty...
Is the one looking back at you in the mirror.
Love Your Silvia ❤️
PS. My loves... can I tell you something that still cracks me up? (LOL.)
So years ago I got my nipples pierced, right? Well, the piercer looked at me and goes, “One of your nipples is inverted.”
I just looked at him like... “Excuse me? What do you mean it’s inverted? Is my nipple broken?” (LOL.)
Apparently, one of them just naturally sits differently than the other. I had no idea there was even a name for it. I was over there thinking, “Well, damn... leave it to me.” (LMAO.)
The point of me telling you that isn’t because it’s some groundbreaking life story.
It’s because... I’m just like you.
I’ve got things I’ve been insecure about.
I’ve got acne scars.
I’ve gained weight.
I’ve lost weight.
I’ve wished for a bigger booty. (The universe is still processing that request, apparently. LOL.)
I’ve stood in front of the mirror picking myself apart just like so many of you have.
And every once in a while I still catch myself doing it.
The funny thing is... we all think we’re the only ones.
Then somebody says, “Oh my God... me too.”
And suddenly that thing you’ve been carrying around for years doesn’t feel nearly as heavy.
That’s why I share these things.
Not because I think my experiences are special.
But because maybe someone reading this says, “Wait... I have acne scars too.”
Or...
“I’ve always been embarrassed about my stretch marks.”
Or...
“I’ve never liked this one thing about myself either.”
My loves...
We’re all carrying something.
Every single one of us.
And here’s something else that makes me laugh.
There are people in this world attracted to just about everything you can imagine. Seriously. Humans are wonderfully weird. (LOL.)
So if somebody can absolutely adore things most people would never even think about... what makes you believe that the very thing you’ve been hiding couldn’t be something another person barely notices—or even finds beautiful simply because it’s part of you?
Beauty has never been one-size-fits-all.
Never.
And while we’re at it... yes, I usually end up liking older men. (LOL.) I don’t know why. It’s just kind of been my pattern.
Does that mean I’d never date someone younger?
Of course not.
Life has taught me not to put people into little boxes before I even know them.
The universe has a funny way of introducing us to people we never expected.
So I try not to limit it.
I also don’t chase anymore.
When I was younger? Oh, absolutely. (LOL.)
Now?
Not so much.
These days I’m focused on healing, growing, building my life, and becoming the healthiest version of myself that I can.
If the universe wants someone to cross my path, then I trust they’ll cross it.
And if someone truly wants to be in your life...
They’ll make the effort to stay there.
Until then?
I’ll keep working on me.
Because that’s the only part I actually have control over.
So if you’ve ever looked at yourself and thought...
“I’m not enough...”
Please hear me when I say this.
You’re looking at yourself through the eyes of your insecurities.
Not through the eyes of someone who will one day appreciate you exactly as you are.
I’m not writing these articles because I’ve figured life out.
I’m writing them because I’m healing right alongside you.
We’re all in this same messy, beautiful boat together.
Mine just happens to have a little more sarcasm, a lot more laughing, and apparently one inverted nipple. (LMAO.)
So be kind to yourselves, my loves.
You’re perfectly imperfect.
And I wouldn’t want you any other way.